Not mine, I hasten to add...
What is a mid life crisis anyway?
I think it's that point where you wonder whether the thing you are doing now is the thing that you will always be doing, and whether that 'thing' is what you wanted to anyway....
I'm lucky. I saw my mid life crisis coming a mile off. Went back to university, left my husband, found a new lover, a new house, a new life - I think before the 'crisis' hit. It wasn't easy, but I'm quite pleased that at nearly 38, I'm comfortable in my skin, comfortable with my choices, happy with where I'm heading...
what's the only advantage of having a manic depressive husband who is 18 years older than you?...he's gonna fuck it up first, and you can learn from his mistakes!! I guess that's why the personal blog today. Many of my friends are closer to 25 than 35; so more 1/4 life crisis candidates, which precludes sex with teenagers, or stupid haircuts (ha - look forward to your late 30's my friends!)
You know, I split with my ex nearly 5 months ago, but we still had a 'physical relationship' until this month, when I finally said ENOUGH! I guess I couldn't get my head around him wanting to spend his time with an 18 year old, and yet still come home to me. His excuse?..."I'm a man - who wouldn't want 2 women?"...you can see why I said enough huh? I seriously think he'd have happily carried on with two girlfriends if I hadn't put a stop to it. Poor bugger. Now there's a mid-life crisis personified!!
So, what it comes down to, is always music. So much music everywhere. My sanctuary. My inspiration.
I have turned many corners this week. Today, my piece "Shadows of Trees on Sunny Water" was workshopped by the Chroma Ensemble. It was so breathtaking to hear the 'dots on the page' be transformed into real music, I was quite overwhelmed. i can't wait until the performance on Friday; I put away my humble badge when I say I'm proud of the music I'm making, and I'm proud of the stand I am taking.
Life offers opportunities, and life takes them away.
Next time I will write more of the music. But today, I have a herniated disc in my back which makes me cry when I walk. Today, I am glad that I averted my mid life crisis before it became a joke, today, I look forward to tomorrow, and know that I am lucky, for not enough people look to tomorrow.
I have a rainbow shining over me. it needs rain and sun to shine.
That's me. Rain and sun. Thunder and showers. Faith and Hope. Tra la la...it's gonna be okay :)
nunight friends xxx
Wednesday 26 January 2011
Saturday 8 January 2011
A New Year...
And may it be full of wonder...
2011? Mine is pretty mapped out in some ways, but so unknown. I learned some important lessons in 2010, and like all lessons, some came at quite a cost. However, I am heading into this year with positivity and hope. What do I need to get me through this year? There's always things we need to hang onto, and mine are music, friends and family - funny, because in my world, the three things often intertwine, and the edges are blurred - well, that's fine. I'd hate to be specific!
I remain, through all - a 'determined little fruit', and it is that tenacity that will keep me going when I get tired or lose my focus. It happens eh?
So, what of the music then?
I am delighted to say that in the past couple of weeks, I have completed 2 projects. The soundtrack for the animated movie is now done - just needs mastering. It was a tough one, because of it's 'horror' theme, which is not my bag at all, so I decided to avoid the cliche low strings, diminished chords, and instead explored ways that one can manipulate the recorded voice in order to create suspense. Every sound on the movie is made by either my voice or Oscar & Ellen; but you wouldn't know. I played around with such glorious effects as pitch shifters, and ring modulators and other logic gadgets that spin and warp and delay the sound to a whole new environment. For example; I ran a delay on a short intake of breath, which (unintentionally, I admit) made it sound like an echoing heartbeat. Nice.
So that's 2 projects ticked off...
Chroma. Ah yes. I have lived and breathed Chroma over the Christmas break. I now have 4 movements completed! In fact, the running time of the whole piece is supposed to be 8 minutes, and I have closer to 12, but that can be amended and edited after the workshop with the musicians - which is not until the week of the performance, but I'm sure Gary will give me some advice on that when I see him on Tuesday anyway. After some perseverance, I managed to get hold of the Chinese artist Cao Jingping, who's painting I used as the inspiration for the composition. I have taken elements of the picture, entitled 'Shadows of Trees on Sunny Water', as the different movements. So there's 'Shapes in the Water', which explores the overlapping range of the violin and alto flute. 'Covered Walkways', in which I drew the image of the bridge on manuscript paper and used the resulting pitches as my reference material for the piano. This is 'covered' by interlocking themes in the flute and clarinet. 'Sunlight and Shadows' uses all 4 instruments, with the violin 'shadowing' the other parts. I used a contemporary 'cut out' style score which took bloody hours to achieve in Sibelius, but it now looks just as I want it to, which is great. 'The Crane' is a movement for solo bass clarinet, using harmonics and maybe just a wee touch of jazz (oh, I couldn't help myself!) - the bass clarinet is so juicy!
Oh, I got distracted - yes, I tracked down Cao Jingping through an art gallery in Beijing, and emailed him of my project. He sent me a beautiful reply, saying that he is delighted that I have found music in his art, and is most happy for me to use the title of his painting as the title for my piece. He also sent me an article from a Beijing newspaper about the way that he works, and it was so spiritual. He employs Taoist principles in his visualisation of the world, saying that the way the camera and digital media view the world is not the way it really is to experience and view a place.
I am delighted to have his support for my project, and will send him a copy of the score and a recording of the concert once it is done.
Rafal. I sent the first drafts of the accordion piece to Rafal just before Christmas, and have some great feedback from him. Now that Chroma is nearly there, I want to turn my attention to Rafal's piece - I'm going to spend some time on that in a minute. It's called 'Wycieczka', which is Polish for 'journey'. Seemed appropriate given the massive journey I am on. Yer, looking forward to getting on with that one.
Last, but not least, is my collaboration with Tiff, the choreographer. She's a gem, and we had a great afternoon together this week putting some ideas in place. I'll talk more about that next time...some mathematical undertone already creeping into this piece. Ooh!
ouch; I just remembered the MAX MSP piece for Chris Redgate. I'm still freaked by that program. Best get to it then...
Well, I wish you a happy and interesting year, or even week eh? Let's take things a little at a time!
xxx
2011? Mine is pretty mapped out in some ways, but so unknown. I learned some important lessons in 2010, and like all lessons, some came at quite a cost. However, I am heading into this year with positivity and hope. What do I need to get me through this year? There's always things we need to hang onto, and mine are music, friends and family - funny, because in my world, the three things often intertwine, and the edges are blurred - well, that's fine. I'd hate to be specific!
I remain, through all - a 'determined little fruit', and it is that tenacity that will keep me going when I get tired or lose my focus. It happens eh?
So, what of the music then?
I am delighted to say that in the past couple of weeks, I have completed 2 projects. The soundtrack for the animated movie is now done - just needs mastering. It was a tough one, because of it's 'horror' theme, which is not my bag at all, so I decided to avoid the cliche low strings, diminished chords, and instead explored ways that one can manipulate the recorded voice in order to create suspense. Every sound on the movie is made by either my voice or Oscar & Ellen; but you wouldn't know. I played around with such glorious effects as pitch shifters, and ring modulators and other logic gadgets that spin and warp and delay the sound to a whole new environment. For example; I ran a delay on a short intake of breath, which (unintentionally, I admit) made it sound like an echoing heartbeat. Nice.
So that's 2 projects ticked off...
Chroma. Ah yes. I have lived and breathed Chroma over the Christmas break. I now have 4 movements completed! In fact, the running time of the whole piece is supposed to be 8 minutes, and I have closer to 12, but that can be amended and edited after the workshop with the musicians - which is not until the week of the performance, but I'm sure Gary will give me some advice on that when I see him on Tuesday anyway. After some perseverance, I managed to get hold of the Chinese artist Cao Jingping, who's painting I used as the inspiration for the composition. I have taken elements of the picture, entitled 'Shadows of Trees on Sunny Water', as the different movements. So there's 'Shapes in the Water', which explores the overlapping range of the violin and alto flute. 'Covered Walkways', in which I drew the image of the bridge on manuscript paper and used the resulting pitches as my reference material for the piano. This is 'covered' by interlocking themes in the flute and clarinet. 'Sunlight and Shadows' uses all 4 instruments, with the violin 'shadowing' the other parts. I used a contemporary 'cut out' style score which took bloody hours to achieve in Sibelius, but it now looks just as I want it to, which is great. 'The Crane' is a movement for solo bass clarinet, using harmonics and maybe just a wee touch of jazz (oh, I couldn't help myself!) - the bass clarinet is so juicy!
Oh, I got distracted - yes, I tracked down Cao Jingping through an art gallery in Beijing, and emailed him of my project. He sent me a beautiful reply, saying that he is delighted that I have found music in his art, and is most happy for me to use the title of his painting as the title for my piece. He also sent me an article from a Beijing newspaper about the way that he works, and it was so spiritual. He employs Taoist principles in his visualisation of the world, saying that the way the camera and digital media view the world is not the way it really is to experience and view a place. I am delighted to have his support for my project, and will send him a copy of the score and a recording of the concert once it is done.
Rafal. I sent the first drafts of the accordion piece to Rafal just before Christmas, and have some great feedback from him. Now that Chroma is nearly there, I want to turn my attention to Rafal's piece - I'm going to spend some time on that in a minute. It's called 'Wycieczka', which is Polish for 'journey'. Seemed appropriate given the massive journey I am on. Yer, looking forward to getting on with that one.
Last, but not least, is my collaboration with Tiff, the choreographer. She's a gem, and we had a great afternoon together this week putting some ideas in place. I'll talk more about that next time...some mathematical undertone already creeping into this piece. Ooh!
ouch; I just remembered the MAX MSP piece for Chris Redgate. I'm still freaked by that program. Best get to it then...
Well, I wish you a happy and interesting year, or even week eh? Let's take things a little at a time!
xxx
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