1 week in...

It has been a challenging start to my new life; so many adjustments to make, and in many ways, re-defining who I think I might be. I bring with me all of my ideas, my strengths, my weaknesses, into this new world. I have tried to be open to new ways of thinking and feeling, that have to this point in my life, not really been challenged (well, not to this level anyway!)


Up until thursday evening, I thought I had made a terrible mistake. Not that the academy isn't everything I had hoped for, but that it was more than I'd hoped for, and that I wouldn't be able to rise to the heights that they seemed to be asking of us. yet, on Friday, we had the composition department meeting; everyone from the 4 years of undergrads, the 2 year masters and the doctoral nuts. There was something about the vibe in the room that made me feel I might be in the right place afterall. Then, at the end of the meeting, Phil Cashian gave out our projects for the year, and I think that was the point that I could see what lies ahead. 
I need a plan. A framework. Goals. Until friday, I didn't really know where I was going. And now I do, so I can visualise the point ahead, and work out how to get there.
My projects are super exciting...


I'll be working with
Bristol Animation studios,
Doing a live electronic music performance,
writing for Chroma Musika (canadian ensemble),
Roehampton dance,
and
Rolf Hind (British pianist, composer)


plus there's the internal work. The composition workshops, the recording techniques and the orchestration and conducting.


ok. It's a lot, A big lot. So I'm going to cut out anything that I can in order to make time. Time is my biggest enemy. I shall be the multi-tasker extraordinaire! 


Luckily, Oscar & Ellen are growing up, and are basically very happy kids. That is so important. I couldn't do this if they were messy. I try to let them know that every minute we spend together is as important to me as it is to them, so no one is left behind.
Then Alex is kind and supportive. He seems to know when I need him really close, or when I need to be on my own, or just with Oj and Nel. It seems perfectly natural to me at 37 to have a boyfriend, rather than a husband or 'partner'. It's a different bag, and we like the time we spend together, without the pressures of the 'big-commitment'...yi, it works, and I'd really miss him of he wasn't in my life.
My family are the bedrock. Ma n Pa are stepping up and being super helpful, especially with the kids, but just in the interest they show for what I'm doing. 
There's more, so many more super people. But this isn't an acceptance speech (or is it?) ...


Ha. I've got work to do! Am loving scribbling this down tho, I thought it might help, and so far, it does.
:)